Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
