I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
