when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
