My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
