Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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