this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
