Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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