Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
