Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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