Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
