I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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