I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
