matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize