I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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