I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
