thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
