Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
