Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
