I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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