sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
