taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
