He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
