Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
