why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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