Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
