hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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