how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
