Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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