why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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