before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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