i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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