I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize