i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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