I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
