my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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