can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Randomize
