im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
