Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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