Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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