oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
