Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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