Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
