She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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