Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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