Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
