Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
