i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
