i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
