The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just cut my nipple shaving
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize