Betty ford says i'm here all night
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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