remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
