He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
