i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
