bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
