i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize