I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
