I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
