Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
