we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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