I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
