I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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