uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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