Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize