At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
