Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
