we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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