My hand turned me down
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You were trust falling into bushes
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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