Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
