Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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