I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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