morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
