Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
