My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize