i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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