If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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