So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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