i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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