don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This is classic penis vs brain.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
