I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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