Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
