Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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