Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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