Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
