I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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