I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
its liver damage thursday
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