I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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