i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize