i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
