guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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