Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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