It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
