Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
